When you are 52 and still trying to tie up those loose strings of healing, sometimes you have to go to someone who can help you help yourself. I have made great strides in the healing process as an adult child of an alcoholic and a severe narcissist. My mom the alcoholic-my father the narcissist and physical abuser. I did therapy when mom was in rehab, I have done the ALANON meetings, private one on one therapy etc. I finally cut all ties with the parents.
So here I am.
As they used to say, “you’ve come a long way baby”
I have…..HUGE gains. These past two years spiritually have been the best two years of my life. So many events and people placed in my life for a reason. For all of my life, I never questioned why things happen, why I met the people I did, why this and why that. I just muddled through life trying to simply get through it.
When I started meditating and embracing my gifts as an intuitive, and a medium, my journeys or my visions were very specific and sometimes quite factual. Many times I would leave my mediation sessions wondering, “why am I seeing what I am seeing?
There wasn’t just one answer to that question. As I found out, the answers involved my ancestors, my validations, and my healing. I met spirit guides who have specific duties as one makes a journey.
I scheduled a session with Valerie Sargent with The Fig Leaf; Holistic Health and Wellness in Charlottesville, Virginia. Trying to explain this will be a trick but I will try.
Akashic records (a link to more details defining what it is and is not) are “records” of who you were–in many definitions of the history of “you”. I know, you are sitting there thinking, “what in the hell is she talking about?”. I am simply going to explain what happened to me and you can digest it from there.
There were many times I would meditate that I would see very specific things and people, I would “hear” them in my mind. I saw specific places and specific symbols. I would dig and low and behold those places and symbols exist. No, I did not go digging prior. How in the world would I know what to dig for? A year or two before realizing my gifts I did extensive genealogy work. I made a trip to the town my parents were born and raised. Prior to them, I only had names of towns in Pennsylvania. My maternal grandfather was from County Mayo Ireland–where is still a mystery. So I was aching for a sense of my history. Where were our people from? I sought answers from both the Polish and the Irish/German sides.
I was getting nowhere with the sides beyond my grandparents. They were poor and didn’t have the wherefore all to immediately journal every coming and goings of the family. My Polish side seemed to have things a bit better. When we went to Scranton to follow up on my work, I visited cemeteries, old neighborhoods, churches and one convent where my great aunt lived and was buried. New information? Not so much. Confirmation I guess.
I will say my gut feelings when dealing with the Irish side was always a sense of warmth and an embrace of sorts. I remember visiting the now dilapidated cemetery in Scranton. This place….basically forgotten. Headstones falling into massive holes in the ground, headstones broken. Actually dangerous and I am shocked no one has been injured. Anyhow, I remember getting choked up as I walked up the drive to start our hunt of family headstones. I thought I was being too sensitive and goofy and left it at that.
Later we trekked over to the Polish cemetery to find family from my father’s side. This cemetery was far smaller and on the other side of town. I will say we were walking and trying to find my great grandfather’s grave. I figured he would certainly be buried there, being that he was one of the founders of the first Polish Catholic church in Scranton. We were walking and the weather goes from calm to erupting into a horrible storm. The wind was so violent, we are watching small flags, floral arrangements, debris etc go whipping through the air. It was awful. It lasted maybe 5 minutes. It was the most bizarre thing. Little did I know it was an omen of sorts. Two years after this storm, I had to bring a shaman to the house. My grandfather (dad’s side) decides he wants to set up shop in my home. This was not pretty…..at…..all.
So you have this grown 52-year-old woman who has battled a troubled broken childhood and made it though. You have this same woman digging for a sense of family. She is establishing the definition of herself through her history.
I knew who I once was. Now I want to seek out these visions. What do they mean?
When I got to the Sala center where Valarie’s space is, The Fig Leaf, I saw her at the end of the hall and could feel her warmth and welcoming energy. My apprehension subsided. I dragged my man with me fearing I would be a crying emotional heap unable to make the hour drive home alone.
What helped a lot was that I was very familiar with heavy deep meditation. I am able to relax and let Spirit carry me off to stillness.
What Valerie would do was get me to a hypnotic state and then “walk” with me to a journey. When many meditate they visualize a spot in nature or where they are at peace. I have that spot and Valerie incorporated that into the session. If you go into this work skeptical, afraid and not willing to let go, this is not going to work for you. You have to go with the intention of wanting to learn and discover answers.
Immediately I met up with two spirit guides. I could describe all of this in detail but it won’t help you understand the clarity I received. I had seen much of this before BUT what was lacking was the emotional attachment to what I was seeing and experiencing. During my previous mediations, it was if I was watching a movie. I simply watched it. I had no significant emotional reaction. Don’t get me wrong, if I saw a relative I would be so grateful or happy. As we moved from vision to vision I finally reacted with emotion. There were tears watching a person die. There were tears meeting up with my Irish great grandfather. There were tears knowing I was part of a tribe of women so long ago. Some of the visions were symbolic of things lost or broken. Symbols are things that were negative in my life. Symbols of comfort or in one case the womb.
When Valerie brought me out of this state. I felt like I had been asleep for hours. We reviewed what happened. There were previous lives there. Who I was through a couple of different lifetimes. That was one thing. The more significant experiences were the healing experienced by knowing I am love, I can receive love and that there were women before me who supported and cared for one anther. I still have this tribe in the purest of Spiritual forms. Through the non-existent feminine relationship with my mom–I never developed a sense of me…Maria. My lack of this feminine affected every single thing in my life: relationships with other women, men and myself and with Spirit. There are thousands of books on this topic.
I know what I know. It made sense.
It was coming together. I got my hands on a book, The Sophia Code. It is a book that has to be read and reread and frankly practiced. Things are clicking together. The final healing for me was healing the feminine that was lost, forgotten and beaten down. I can reach out to Mother Mary ( and other spiritual females) for my guidance, my development and my growth as a woman, a mother, a lover and a human on this earth. I will continue to evolve. I will never stand and say, that’s it all done now. I am eager for each day to embrace what Spirit has to share with me.
I can say the bulk of the healing is done. I now have the skills, the tools, the tribe and my spiritual army to guide me each day. I am far better prepared to solve problems. Problems really are not problems but opportunities to see the bigger picture to discover a lesson to be learned. I no longer have the desire, the need, the energy to participate in wallowing in the negativity spawned by whatever illness someone wants to drag me into.
If I reach just one person, this post was worth it. If that once person feels that they are not alone. There is hope. That they can heal. They are loved and always have been loved.