Oh raising a daughter. Mine will turn 25 and she might as well be turning 55. I am worn out for a variety of reasons. Aren’t all moms of daughters worn out? We worry non-stop. We worry when times are good and when times are not so good. We figure the worry will stop when they move out. Oh please, it is a whole new set of worry. Then you think when they get married the worry will stop…and again a whole new set of worry. Then she has a child. It just does not stop.
So how do we raise a girl to be a woman. A woman with confidence, strength of character, ambition, healthy attitudes towards her fellow man, etc., etc. I guess no one woman has THE answer. I was a single mom from the time my daughter was 18 months old well up until now really. Yes she has a dad. I used to call him “sperm donor” but that is not very goddess-like. My battle with her as she went from K-12 was horrible. Absolutely horrible.
As her and I reflect on things she honestly feels the biggest problem was the fact that her father and I did not get along AT ALL. There was no constructive communication what so ever. The reasons really do not matter. What remains was our inability to push our egos to the side and discuss issues that pertained to our daughter. We could not come to agreement ever on what the best course of action should be in any situation. So that slowly tore down my daughter.
Today I can say she is fiercely independent. She is self-sufficient. There is no problem she cannot solve. Has she tripped and fallen flat on her face? Oh yes….yes indeed. What enabled her to do was MY growth as a Goddess. Once I decided that the past no longer mattered, it opened up a world for the both of us. I am now her go-to person for just about everything. I do not throw the past in her face, I do not ask her if she talked to her dad about the problem.
So how do we raise that goddess?
1. Stay on the same page as parents-ALWAYS. You have got to find common ground. DO NOT ARGUE about her issue in front of her.
2. Allow her to fall down. Advise her, support her but at the end of the day, they will do what they want to. Allow the mistake to happen. Be calm, take a breath. Then sit down and discuss it.
3. Do not scream and yell and carry on like the end of the world is at hand. If you can, get the news, take a bath, take a walk, whatever you have to do to prepare your mind for a productive discussion.
4. Show her how to do things. Stop doing it for her. When she is a little thing start with the small things and as she gets older you two will be cooking together. It gives her confidence.
5. Keep your opinions to yourself unless she asks for it. Man, this one is still tough for me.
6. There is nothing wrong in praying for her.
My daughter and I will butt heads once in a while. If it gets too bad, I simply say, “I am really angry right now and I am going to end the conversation before I say something ugly.” In an hour or two I call back…calm.
What do you do to build a solid relationship with your daughter (s)? Hense raising the goddess you are.
Great articles for further study:
10 Commandments for Raising Strong Daughters by Lizzie Heiselt
The Secret to Raising a Happy, Confident Girl by Kristyn Kusek Lewis